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Linguistic Relativity For Horses [13 Nov 2006|05:32pm] [ mood | BROKEN ] [ music | AMBRY ] It's 4 a.m. and the alarm clock's set for ten, as the smoke clears and settles to the ceiling. I am coming down from falling for your promises that we won't work. There's no shame in giving in. If I whispered it softly could you pretend I never said it? Her lips barely touched me, sprawled out on the carpet. I'll be gone in a week, and still she finds the strength to sleep right next to me. It's 4 a.m. and the alarm clock's set for ten, and I still can't shut my eyes knowing that the thought of me not waking up might hurt you. See, the words that you dont want to hear, they are all I want to say to save you. Summer's here but it slipped away to an island across the sea. Each night I scratch my accidents in walls that watched our lungs breathe softly. I needed this more than you'll ever know. Hold on to all those lonely night. They'll make me seem better... What the hell is wrong with me? Have I really become the demon that everyone dispises? I want to be so much more than that... But I don't know how... I'm only human... I make mistakes... 1 DAAAMN NIGGA!&^#

Dead inside. [15 Aug 2006|07:20pm] [ mood | EMPTY ] [ music | DAMIEN RICE ] I have honestly never felt so dead, so empty... So alone. I have some of the best people in the world at my back, and yet, I'm alone. I stand alone. I walk alone. I sleep alone. I am alone. Go ahead. Tell me you're there for me. I believe you. But you aren't filling the gap that I feel right now. We love to be told we're not alone, but it doesn't mean we're not alone. Why do we always think we need to follow the best routes in life? Love, hate, despair... All feelings most people feel on an almost daily basis. I went on vacation from last Tuesday to just yesterday, a vacation that was supposed to get me out and about and finally having time to myself and hanging out with all my old friends and shit... Wrong. My trip was ruined within the first hour of us arriving at our campground thanks to my dad; the details I'll keep to myself, but what he did has basically gone against everything he has ever taught me, told me, scolded me for, flipped on me for... Everything he has said since I was little has been a lie. All my life, I have thought love was so important that I needed it in my life, and I seeked it and seeked for it as often as I could... Everyone seems different in my eyes now. Their words... Empty. Their promises... Meaningless. I can never trust anyone again. I doubt I ever will, and to be quite honest, after this week, I'll be lucky to even trust myself. I'm becoming a shut in, or I'm going into a mental institution; one or the other. Because before I know it, my mind is going to shut down and I'm just going to break. I don't want any of you questioning me. Asking what's wrong. Asking if I'll be ok. I know you're all trying to be as friendly as possible; but please, just give me space. This is my time. I'm blocking everything/everyone out of my life. Including my family. My little sister, who is the closest thing I've ever had to a best friend. She's there for me no matter what... She understands why I did what I did... She's strong. She has more will power than I ever will... Don't take it personally, but for a while, I need to be on my own. I think my Crohn's may be taking a turn for the worst. I experience abdominal pain on an almost daily basis, I use the bathroom way more than I should, I'm constantly sick... But there's nothing I can do. Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll just die. 13 DAAAMN NIGGA!&^#

Eternity was on our lips... [27 Jan 2006|03:39pm] [ music | TAKEN ] These falling seconds look like rain. Or even better a punch to the stomach. Faded analogies end up not explaining anything I am trying to get across. Carbon copy after another adorn the walls of every house. How empty it sounds when one can't even forge a path to the door. The illusion of running around with my arms spread open. I embrace this feeling. Nothing else seems real. I embrace, this feeling, where nothing else... Seems real... No one should ever have to feel this way...

done. [28 Nov 2005|10:50pm] [ mood | APATHETIC ] [ music | CIRCA SURVIVE ] This marks a turning point. There's no such thing as "true friends". There's no such thing as "true love". I'm done. And I'm starting over.

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